Happy birthday to me!
Somehow I never got over the idea that birthdays are fun and cool. Sure, I abandoned the idea that I should have a big party as soon as I learned that everyone went camping on Memorial weekend. That changes nothing, though. I still like to pretend I’m a princess and do something fancy.
In sticking with my plan for the Year Without Fear, I wanted to do something that pushed myself. I didn’t plan on doing anything like skydiving or swimming with sharks. Yeah, those are on the list of things that freak me out but I’m a baller on a budget. Wait, I’m waaay not cool enough to pull of a phrase like that.
Anyway, I talked my family into going a little extravagant, but not all out there insane. Zip lining!
It met all my requirement. It was close to home, out of my comfort zone, and came in a package deal with a slew of other things that gave me the heebie jeebies - ropes course, free fall jump, and the dreaded alpine slide.
It was a dark and stormy day.
For real. Thankfully the clouds parted and sent out sunshine just in time for me to sign my life away. Seriously, these places are like “Welcome! This is safe and fun! But sign this denying we had any part in your accident if it should happen.” No stress or anything!
Anyway, we started on the ropes course. Just climbing onto the platform in the tree got my heart thumping a little more than usual. Add to that all the clipping and harnessing and people waiting and I got flustered pretty easily.
I wasn’t allowed to wallow in the fluster, though, for two reasons.
1. I was on the Honeybee course. I think that’s the least threatening level they could decide to call it. I was being trailed by grade schoolers.
2. I was still in charge of a kid. Rela gets scared even easier than me. Parenting strategy: pretend nothing is scary and you are a master of anything.
I was able to spout off solid advice like “Just don’t look down. Let your feet feel where they need to go” and “You’re in a harness. You can’t even fall that far.” My favorite advice, which was really more to me than anyone else was “You can’t turn back. There is literally nowhere else to go except on the same things you just crawled over.” A lack of options: the best motivator ever.
Unfortunately, we weren’t able to go on any other courses. Apparently it would be considered bad parenting if you took a crying 2nd grader on the black diamond course.
With that in mind, we bickered over what to do next. Keep freaking ourselves out or go for a smaller challenge? The answer? Both. We split up.
I headed to the actual zipline, which Tony and the kids went for the chair lift/alpine slide combo. Strapped into a harnessing system and fighting to keep my shorts looking like anything but underoos.
Honestly, after huffing and puffing up the hill, the actual platform was a welcome sight. I was at the top! I didn’t need to climb anymore!
I was strapped to the line and a college kid directed me to the platform. Why is it always a college kid? Maybe it wouldn’t seem so silly to be scared if it was some kung fu master or war vet. But some chill teen that has the permanent boredom oozing from their pores?
Sigh. It is what it is, I guess. Heart racing I stepped onto a 2x4 they called the platform. Without much of a place to stand or chicken out, I really had no choice but to go. Ok, actually I was really into it. It was like a giant swing and who doesn’t like that.
Obstacle 3: the free fall jump. To be really honest, this was the first one that really gave me a chance to freak out. We were guided onto a solitary platform that was there for no other reason than to jump off. (I can only imagine what the person was thinking when they were building that.)
I smiled and faked like I was cool, but I lied. I watched Tony go, listened to his Wile E Coyote style whoop as he fell and that was enough to make me hesitate. A slightly less jaded college student gave me the instruction. Arms straight out, lean back, RUN, and then jump.
It was the running that got me. I had to act like I was all excited to jump off this ledge. Not a calm tipping over. Run!
I started all right.
And then stopped right at the edge. Damn that was a long way down.
My guide was not impressed.
I told myself that if Tony could do it, I could too. So I ran.
I jumped.
I was jerked back surprisingly quick.
That was it? I was lowered to the ground with a wave of disappointment and a headache. I had failed to hold my arms straight enough and my ear had hit the rope.
My guide was nice enough to help me find my earring that had been pulled off my ear and thrown into the parking lot.
Totally not me. It's my brother. But I did the same thing so it counts, right?
And with that, we were ready for the last challenge: the alpine slide. For most people this wouldn’t be a big deal. It’s a children’s ride. Just a slide, like sledding in the summer.
To be honest, I knew it was silly to be nervous about this one. It’s just associated with a bad memory. When I was 10-ish, my parents had taken me on an alpine slide on a visit to Colorado. Yay! So fun!
Except it was awful. The person behind me hadn’t followed the slow lane/fast lane rules and spent the entire time slamming into the back of my cart. My memory all these years later is me at the base of the hill crying as my dad went and yelled at the person.
This time, it was much more chill. Actually, waiting in the long line for my turn kind of killed any worry or adrenaline that had built on the trek to the top. The result? Calmly zooming to the bottom of the hill and making Cool Runnings jokes.
Unfortunately, no one asked me if I was alright. Because my I had prepared my Jamaican accented “No, mon.”
So that’s it. Day 1 done. Now I just have 364 days left.
